A Break Up Letter

Dear Diet Coke,

This letter is to inform you that I am breaking up with you. I have found a new love, Water. I can no longer continue our relationship for the following reasons.
1. After spending long periods of time with you, my stomach becomes upset. In the past I have ignored my stomach pains because of my love for you. No longer. Water does not make me feel this way.
2. You have added too many pounds to my physique. If you loved me the way Water loves me, you would have deleted pounds instead of adding them.
3. My addiction to you is all consuming and that is going to stop. If I am going to be so addicted to something, it's going to be something that makes me feel healthy, like my new love, Water.
My heart wants to make my withdrawal from you slow  and careful but my brain says "tear that bandage off" and leave Diet Coke behind immediately. So that's what I must do. I know it will be painful. I know it will be hard. But I can do it! I must do it!

With loving affection,
Jennifer