Wow! This fall has been a rough ride. I am ready for a new year to get here so that perhaps we can all have a fresh start. Let me explain.
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| Aunt JoAnn |
In mid September, my aunt JoAnn left us. She was the only remaining sibling of my mom. She left behind my five cousins and their families. Due to several factors, including my mom's own health, she was unable to attend the services in North Carolina. This broke my heart. I hated the fact that mom was unable to say her goodbyes in person. I did attend and was able to reconnect with my cousins I have not seen in over 15+ years.
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| Bear |
In mid October, our beloved dog Bear left us. He was almost 14 years old. Michael picked him out at the animal shelter when he was just a few months old. He was such a good boy, especially in his golden years. Losing a pet is so hard. It's gut wrenching. The pain seemed magnified watching our children deal with Bear's last moments. I miss him every day.
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| Uncle Bill |
Last week my uncle Bill took his own life. He is my dad's youngest sibling. He was 66 years old. As a young girl growing up, my girl cousins and I thought he was so cool. He was funny and we loved hanging around him. I miss him already. I'm so sad for uncle Bill's family and his siblings. But I'm really heartbroken for my dad. In 1989, my brother, who was 18 at the time, committed suicide. So now, almost 30 years later, we are all experiencing this again. With uncle Bill's suicide, it dredged up all the old feelings we experienced when Jeff died. (See a post I wrote about suicide and my brother after Robin William's died, if interested in my thoughts.)
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| My brother, Jeff |
With suicide, there are always so many questions. Why? Why? And most of those questions will remain unanswered. It is so hard to deal with a family member's suicide. I pray none of you will ever have to experience this heartache.
December 1, a very dear friend lost her father on his 87th birthday. He had been experiencing health issues but that does not make it easier. At least now he is with the love of his life singing and dancing and free of pain.
I am extremely exhausted emotionally. I pray that we do not lose anyone else the remainder of this year. Please understand that if I have been distant or hard to reach, I've just been trying to comprehend all this loss over the past few months Trying to make some kind of sense out of it all. Thank you to all my family members and friends who have shared supportive and uplifting messages with me.
